I'm Supposed To Be Thankful For This?!?

I know my neighbors (for whom I am dog-sitting, and thus have a key to their duplex) have a food processor (which I need to make my Cranberry-Apple-Orange Relish) somewhere, so why can I only find the fucking blender? Man, FWPs

America The Beautiful

I couldn't eat the turkey during Thanksgiving because it didn't meet my (admittedly arbitrary) dietary moral guidelines. Man, FWPs