water more like bore my face off

i ran out of apple juice so now i have to drink fucking purified water instead. Man, FWPs

And to Think He's Getting a PhD in Computers . . .

Jake (aka "James Broof") just emailed me to say he's not listed as a "member" of this blog--and he really wants to be!--even though all he needs to do to be listed is follow it. Some people . . . Man, FWPs

But I ordered it three days ago...

WTF, I ordered a duvet cover for my down comforter on Saturday mid afternoon and it didn't ship until today. It is Tuesday, TUESDAY! man, FWPs

club can probably handle me right now

sitting VIP at a chill canadian club, but it's empty so no one can see how cool you are. man, FWPs.

Less Than Whole Foods

I accidentally grabbed a single-serving size of the pulp free "Simply Orange" orange juice off the shelf at Whole Foods instead of the medium pulp that I prefer, and because I cracked it open and starting drinking before noticing I just had to suck it up and deal. Man, FWPs

So Many Shoes, So Little Time

I can't find my flip-flops. Man, FWPs

I Feel Bad About Myself: This Should Surprise . . . Absolutely Nobody

With the Super Bowl coming right up, I regret more and more that I'm not a professional athlete. Man, FWPs

It's An Acquired Taste

I wish someone had told me that Whole Foods puts black olives on its veggie hummus wraps so I could have asked the deli guy to hold them. Man, FWPs

You Know The Super Bowl Is Coming When Both Frozen Pizzas AND Lonestar Are On Sale

We don't have a Tupperware anywhere near large enough for our leftover slices of Randall's pizza. Guess that means I'll just have to eat more . . . Man, FWPs

Genesis? Again? Then Consider Me Ready To Exodus This Phone Call

Why is it that every time a business's customer service line puts me on hold the first song to come on is by Phil Collins--and it isn't even from the Tarzan soundtrack? Man, FWPs

At Least My Team Isn't Coached By A Man Who Posts Foot Fetish Videos On YouTube

The Patriots just got knocked out of the playoffs, and Red Sox players don't report to spring training until next month. Man, FWPs

New Media Was Never Supposed To Make Our Life Easier

I'm struggling to get my Twitter account to keep a double-digit number of followers. Man, FWPs

More Like ...Sucking? TV

"Well on a more serious matter I think I just OD'd on Sour Patch Kids on this flight bc my FUCKING tv didn't work." Man, FWPs

Ring, Ring, Ring . . . Motherfucker!

Come on--who sets their voice mail not to pick up until a dozen rings? Man, FWPs

Since When Is The Southwest The First World? (That's Right, I'm Looking At You, Phoenix)

I can't tell whether the fuzzy green spots on my southwestern-style tortillas that have been in the fridge for two-and-a-half weeks are mold or whether they're delicious and spicy flecks of flavor. Man, FWPs

muklahakahiki, come on you wanna lei me, pass the poi, mahalo, kujunjago kujunjago

i just got laid off from my job, and i can't even start to look for a new one because i'm leaving for a hawaiian vacation in like a week. man, FWP's.

CHOW CHOW RIGHT MEOW MEOW: "It won't let me write meow meow, it just keeps correcting to Nepal" -Jake