At Least My Life Is Kinda Like Salute Your Shorts

My life isn't nearly enough like mid-90s Nickelodeon hit Pete and Pete. I think I need to take a Riboflavin supplement, or something. Man, FWPs

Runner's World Problems, Part Whatever

The zipper on my free Nike jacket from work keeps getting stuck. Man, FWPs

Fact:

As a rich white person, I have to create my own adversity.

Bikinis, Tankinis, Martinis, No Weenies

"Do," said my friend about to head on a spur-of-the-moment trip to the Bahamas, "you have any idea how hard it is to find a swimsuit at this time of year?"

SLAMmed

Where is my new SLAM Magazine, already? Man, FWPs

"Where The Hell IS My Car?"

. . . muttered the man leaving the gourmet grocery store as he pushed the unlock button on his Audi keychain while looking both confused and perturbed. Man, FWPs